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Top Ten Worst Movies Of All Time

April 18, 2008

10.  From Justin to Kelly– I think it’s still open to debate whether or not this actually qualifies as a film, as it was inspired to simply put $$$$$ in Fox’s pocketbook, and was successful it’s goal.  However, it failed miserably at it’s attempt to put a movie together.  I’d rather be caught watching Lifetime in my sweatpants with a bowl of Cool Whip and only my finger to scoop it out, than ever watch From Justin to Kelly again.

9. Batman and Robin- This is universally referred to as one of the worst movies of all time. Clooney and ODonnell’s homo-erotic ambiguously gay duo theme meshed with the pathetic one liners seeping from a dead pan Schwarzenegger made this movie fall limp in every direction.  Perhaps they should have spent more time on the script instead of the Batsuits nipples.

8. Stargate- It’s because of this film version I waited to watch the show until six or seven seasons in.  With Kurt Russell and James Spader on this adventure that really sounded innovative and compelling, you’d think a great movie would come together.  I have never officially sat through this film in it’s entirety.  I always end up shutting it off.  It’s terrible.  Don’t use this as a basis of comparison for the show.  The only thing they have in common is their title.

7. My Best Friends Wedding-Who actually loves this over-rated piece of crap?  How could anyone fall subject to the obnoxious selfishness of Julia Roberts character in this movie?  Let’s look at the big picture.  Cameron Diaz is adorable, infectious, and wonderful in this role. I even like her, and Dermont Mulroney seems truly happy to be marrying her, but because Julia’s character has a moment of insecurity she decides to try and tear them a part and ruin the wedding? And this is a romantic comedy?  More like sadistic insanity!  Honestly, this earns a well deserved WTF.  It’s maddening in it’s annoyance and the only ocassional saving grace is the charisma of Rupert Everett.

6. I Still Know What You Did Last Summer- Don’t you kinda get the feeling from the title that this can only go bad places?  The original with Gellar, Freddie and Love was only “ok”, so why build a dynasty on a movie that was simply lucky to survive the horror flicks of that particular season?  It’s baffling.  What was more baffling was the lack of humour and lack of scary involved.  And even more baffling was Brandy’s performance. *cringes*  Stick to sitcoms Moesha!

5. Lake Placid- This is the only title of my list to which I can laugh about having seen it, but that being said, it’s still worth being #5 on my list.  This giant Alligator is killing people all over Lake Placid and it’s some natural phenomenon, except they find out it’s not!  It’s Betty White’s pet!  The Golden Girls gone Wild!  Seriously, this film is just inexcusable.

4.  Armageddon-  For my explanation read here.

3. Event Horizon- It was one of the most boring and uninteresting, not to mention bizarre Sci-Fi movies ever.  It’s a movie that makes other Science Fiction movies look bad. I love Sam Neiil too.  This was a plague on Hollywoods big screen.  Don’t see it. Ever.

2. Reindeer Games- You think Charlize Theron, Gary Sinise, and Affleck……this has got to be good right?  Wait!  Did I say Affleck?  Well, that explains everything.  I like Ben Affleck a lot, so long as he stays out of my action movies, or dramatic roles that require him to act.  He should be in comedy’s or Disney movies exclusively.  Granted Reindeer Games was obnoixous on it’s own, but when you added the terrifying attempt of Affleck to play this hard dude, just did NOT fly.  In fact, it crashed and destroyed a whole city.  A waste of time.

1. Random Hearts- This banal movie makes me want to claw my own eyes out.  Kristen Scott Thomas and Harrison Ford discover their spouses have died in a plane crash. A plane they weren’t supposed to be on.  It turns out the two had an affair.  Those are the only points this movie makes and it’s TWO AND A HALF HOURS.  Even Harrison Ford is dry and uncharismatic, and that’s against all the rules of physic’s and the universe.  I seriously would PAY someone to not watch this movie.  You will never get that time back, and you will have wilted a little inside from suffering it’s lameness.

HONORABLE MENTIONS: A Knights Tale, Dr. T and The Women, Epic Movie, and Supernova

 

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